...was a just man, and could not be frightened

Lachoneus is my favorite person in the Book of Mormon. For so many reasons. One stands out given a recent event. I was contacted by a company asking for payment on some bill from a year and a half ago. I was 85% certain I'd never agreed to what they were asking, but honestly couldn't rule it out completely. I did my research and looked up any possible record that I could find, and scoped out their company, but ultimately came to the conclusion they were phony. (I say I, but really mean we.)

The lesson to be learned from Lachoneus is this: if I had done justice to myself and been more organized, I wouldn't have had that nagging fear that I was wrong. He was a just man. Perhaps I am being liberal with that definition, but I feel like the effort to keep your life in order falls under that meaning.

When I think about how I would like to be--not a go-with-the-flow, oh-I-didn't-realize-that-was-important, I'll-get-to-that-later type of man, but rather a just man, one who isn't afraid of doing the right thing and doing it now--I see it in Lachoneus.

Alma 24:8-9 Correspondence

Correspondence is when two parties communicate and interchange ideas or goods or something. Back when Abinidi was preaching to the people of Zeniff, there wasn't much correspondence between the Nephites and Lamanites. Then when Amulon sort of rose to power, he initiated a large-scale one. He set up the parameters to his specifications, but essentially, the Lamanites were taught the language of the Nephites, and the economic ways of the Nephites. He added his own ideas about religion, too, which was not good.

Well, by the time we get to Alma 24, this correspondence has been fairly long-standing. I feel like this is what enabled Ammon to so quickly integrate with the household of king Lamoni. And based on the prayer of the King of the people of Anti-Nephi-Lehi, they recognized this correspondence with grateful hearts.

I guess the thought is that even the wicked people can be influenced to do things that the Lord will use.
Or maybe it's that the Lord can use wicked people to bring about righteous purposes.

Blessings

After a fairly tumultuous morning and leading up to what turned out to be a somewhat tumultuous participation in an otherwise beautiful Hosanna shout, Julianne sat our kids down and kindly and lovingly explained to them that it seems like Satan is working particularly hard on our family right now. The mood changed. She enabled all of us to be in a position to give and receive blessings. Julianne is a marvel to me.

Joe was blessed to be patient with others and to be willing to work with them even when things didn't seem fair

Annie was blessed to see her siblings as children of a God who loves them like He loves her and to be a peacemaker, which was a role given her by her Father in Heaven

Sam was promised that if he reads his Book of Mormon and participates in Family History work, he would know exactly what to do with his family, his job, how to prepare for a mission, about college, and what he should do for the rest of his life. It was a rather sweeping promise.

Mack was blessed that he would never get into any more trouble than that from which we could help him escape, and that he would be healthy and safe.

Julianne was blessed to know how grateful the Lord is for what she has done in our home.

I am blessed because this is my family and I love them.

Why baptism, why sacrament

Mosiah 26:22

For behold, this is my church; whosoever is baptized shall be baptized unto repentance.

That's why we get baptized. We don't get baptized to covenant to be perfect, we get baptized to covenant to repent when we aren't.

We don't take the sacrament each week to signify our perfection or even our repentance. We take the sacrament each week to signify our willingness to repent and try again.

What am I afraid of?

I'm not afraid of people, places, or things. Or commas.

I am afraid of what I don't understand, which, I believe, is fairly common in mankind.

I do not understand how our existence can have a beginning. I know the scriptures suggest that it didn't, but I don't really understand that either. What frightens me is that if something has a beginning, who's to say it doesn't have an end? And what does that all mean?

I was showering this morning, and I had an overwhelming fear come over me that my existence was finite. As I sat there, letting the lukewarm water cover me, I just felt like the only thing keeping my existence intact was my belief that it was real. Otherwise the fabric of my life and experience would be withered away and I would cease to experience. Looking into that dismal inevitability is very frightening. I reached out to touch the wall, which felt solid enough. I could feel the water. I could see and think. I've often told myself that I think, therefore I am, but in this moment, I was afraid that the possibility to stop thinking was real. I didn't know what to do, because this was an overwhelming sense of despair. I started to cry.

I felt like if there was a moment that turning to the Lord could help me, this was it. So I whispered a prayer that went like this, "Jesus, thou Son of God, please have mercy on me. I do not understand, and I am afraid, and I need more faith and understanding. Please help me."

I almost instantly began to feel lighter. I didn't understand any better yet, but I felt like things would be alright.

Then, I realized three things. The first two in the shower.

1. Not only is life not over when we die, but this life is almost nothing compared to what happens after we die. All of the things that we spend our time worrying about, even some important doctrines, are really things that would just work themselves out without us if we'd let them alone. This life is so short! There is so little time to spend angry or upset or fighting. Being without work for a few weeks is really not that big of a deal.

2. I do not have time to be an idiot father. I do not have time to be unkind to them or lose my patience with them. I feel like I've been given a better perspective to help me be better.

Then I went out and made breakfast and tried to be a nice father. I played hymns over the speakers, and then I played a song that I knew Julianne would love to hear. She came out of the bathroom to see me. I was standing in the kitchen, and she was walking towards me. She was smiling. Her eyes were shining. Light was radiating from her, and she was so happy and beautiful. I realized the third thing then: She was the whole of my existence. She was worth anything. If all I had was this lifetime with her, it would be enough. Imagine then, how happy it made me to consider that it's not just this lifetime. That the dismal inevitability isn't even a possibility. She is mine forever, and I am hers completely.

I cried. She was crying. I just held her for a few minutes and didn't let go.

I am glad I started the day as I did, because what I learned was worth the price.

Conference Talks

Last night, I was saying my prayers after Julianne had spent several minutes giving me some advice. She can be somewhat heavy-handed when she advises, though I prefer it that way. She's direct.

Anyway, while I was praying, I was asking the Lord what I should do, and the answer I got was in the form of a quote from President Nelson's talk to the brethren a few years ago: embrace both your wife and her counsel.

So I did. I took to heart what she said and resolved to follow through, which I did. Of course it went well.

But the other lesson from this is: from what I choose to fill my mind I will receive answers. Meaning, what if I hadn't ever read that talk? What if the quote running through my head was from a questionable movie/book/video? Better to spend a little time up front reading the talks and 'treasuring up the words' so that they're there when you need them.

This is reminding me of Elder Scott talking about scriptures. He refers to them as friends.

What is Church

Doctrine and Covenants 18:5 reads

Wherefore, if you shall build up my church, upon the foundation of my gospel and my rock, the gates of hell shall not prevail against you.

And 10:67-68 reads

This is my doctrine--whosoever repenteth and cometh unto me, the same is my church.

This idea has been rummaging around in my brain for a few months. What is church? And why do people point fingers at it, or rely on it, or give concretion to its abstraction?

Meaning, lots of people think thoughts that begin with, "if only the church would," or "why did the church do" and so forth.

Lots of people suppose that the church will raise their children or give them money or help them with something

And lots of people consider that 'the church' is a thing.

I think it's an idea. I think that 'the church' is more just a group of people with a unified idea or principle. And really, when you think about the church in action, it often comes down to just one person. The Bishop decides if somebody gets the welfare check or not. The EQP authorizes the moving assistance. So and so gets counsel from some leader. A youth gets inspiration and motivation from somebody else.

The church is just you and me. Which puts a different thought on those scenarios listed above. The church doing something is really just you or me doing something. The church helping our children is really just you and me teaching our children.

I think I'm getting tired of thinking about this, so i'm done.