Helaman 4 and 5

Read these chapters.

Helaman 4 is a perfect explanation of why a person ditches the church. There can be a lot of reasons, but two that stand out are:

1. Making a mock of that which is sacred - which can range from just being grumpy about little things like garments or church in general all the way to belittling the endowment or adopting a very casual or cavalier attitude about it.

2. Disbelieve in the spirit of prophecy and revelation - which also can range from just doubting your local leaders to considering the prophet an old fool.

I've seen both ends of these spectrums. There are other things listed there, and all of them have a very clear modern application. And the end result for all of them is the loss of possession. In our modern case, it is a loss of testimony. For them, they were literally losing their lands. We can consider our spiritual real estate holding to be summed up in our testimony and our temple recommend status.

Is it weak and expired? Or it is vibrant and current?

If we tend to the first, it won't be long until we are left to our own strength, and find out in the worst way that the Lord is not preserving us by His power.

Chapter 5 is the recipe for fixing it.

First, in verses 5, 6, 9, 10, 12, and 14, we are reminded to REMEMBER. Remember where we have come from, on whose shoulders we are standing, and remember how it felt to feel the Holy Ghost.

And in particular (v12) remember that our foundation is Christ. Not even President Nelson. Not sister so-and-so, or CJane, or whoever. We have to re-center our selves in Christ. This may require (v11) Repenting.

And then we see that there are things causing a cloud of blackness to block out our access to the Spirit (v29). What do we do? As the mild voice reminds us, we repent, we repent, and we stop trying to destroy His servants. We stop putting barriers between us and the prophet.

And we (v41) repent and our faith in Christ increases. We pray (v42) with rigorous intent to our Heavenly Father, with the same energy as the women with the issue of blood, or a drowning person reaching for air (P. Nelson).

Then, finally (v45), the Holy Ghost will come down and fill our hearts. Peace comes unto us, because of our faith in the Well Beloved. Angels minister to us (sacrament, local leaders). We receive anew the spiritual lands of our possession.

The music of my wife and life

Julianne can sit down at the piano and just play whatever she wants. I cannot. She has a good sense of when the left hand will sound well with whatever the right hand is doing, and that allows her to improvise harmonies with standard church melodies. Lord, Dismiss Us, for example, and How Firm a Foundation in particular. 

This is very soothing to me. Something that will immediately peel back some layers of troubled spirit is to sit and listen to her play. Lord, Dismiss Us, Come Ye Children of the Lord, Come Ye Thankful People Come, Let Us All Press On, and They the Builders of the Nation are some songs that for me act as soundtrack to the Restoration of the Gospel.

They the Builders starts off with a very manly, pioneer-y approach to life. Forging onward, Building, Blazing on the wild frontier. Then the sisters come in with the Charity-never-faileth-like second verse of service and helping others, and then the third verse reminds all of us to consider where we came from and who are our forbearers. 

Lord Dismiss Us as sung by the MoTab in conference a few years ago is one of the most simple and stunning pieces of music I've ever heard sung. I don't know how else to describe the unconventional bass line: it's bad.  Bad like good. If I am in a mood, wearied or harried, I can listen to that song and instantly cry it away.

There is something so moving about the third and fourth verses of Come Ye Thankful People. We don't have them printed in our hymn book, and consequently don't sing them. But we should.

Even so, Lord, quickly come,

bring thy final harvest home;

Gather thou thy people in,

free from sorrow, free from sin.

There, forever purified,

in thy presence to abide.

Come, with all thine angels come,

raise the glorious harvest home.

That concept of being with my loved ones, purified and gathered in, free from the cares, tendencies, and disappointments of this world, is about the most awesome thing imaginable. That actually is another huge tangent that I'm not going to take here, but I'll briefly say that I don't believe those things will be eliminated, rather we will have the understanding to deal with them in a joyful and happy manner, just like God must surely be able to deal with disappointment and cares.

It makes me want to stand and reach out to the angels that are coming to herald Him in. It makes me want to be in that number. I want to be one of them. I want my dear wife to be next to me. I want my children to be there as excited as we are. And their spouses. And their kids. 

Anyway, Julianne can bring this all to my heart just by sitting at the piano and doodling away. The piano to her is a canvas. She has her own version of pthalo blue, her happy little trees, and her kind-hearted way of using them to calm my troubled heart.

Julianne and how quickly she falls asleep

Not very often, but sometimes, Julianne will fall asleep at night when I talk to her. Very often, she will fall asleep when I read scriptures to her at night. That sentence makes me sound like Mr. Collins trying to pontificate on Fordyce's Sermons. What I mean is, we sometimes read ten verses or so from the scriptures at night in bed, and usually she's asleep by the time I start the second verse.

But on occasion, we are just laying there and I'm talking about something and she falls asleep. This can be confirmed by me saying, "are you asleep?" and her not responding. I used to think it was just the boring monotone level of my voice, or how quiet and soft I'm trying to be. But I have arrived at a new conclusion. 

Julianne knew I could be her husband and it would be okay because during our courtship, she always felt safe and as though what we were doing was just a natural step in life. When she is in bed, and I am there next to her, she feels safe. She knows that everything is okay, and that the persons she loves the most, and who loves her the most, is just right there. So, with all well in her life, and being at liberty to relax, because she can trust me, she finally does so for the day, and promptly falls asleep. It's similar to how a child is happy in a home if they are singing. She's safe if she is sleeping.

So, when Julianne falls asleep while listening to me talk, it is in reality a reflection of her love for me. Which is why it never annoys me, it just amuses me. What's even funnier is when she wakes back up in twenty minutes and wants to continue the conversation, or start a brand new one. I'll update that list as I can remember them or as they come, because there's been some real whingdingers.

Testimony of Joseph Smith and of Joe

The Church published a new volume of church history called Saints, and I read it. Volume one, at least. I read it because I wanted to be prepared to answer the questions I'm sure my children will have someday about the more controversial aspects of church history. I prayed beforehand that my testimony would be strengthened.

After I finished, I was saying a prayer at night before we got in bed. In my prayer, I was expressing gratitude for Joseph Smith, Emma, and Hyrum, and I had an overwhelming feeling come over me. I knew it was the Holy Ghost, and it felt wonderful. It was a confirmation to me that they were real people, the work Joseph did was the work of God, and the most interesting of all, I felt as though they were my friends. I want to be very careful with such a feeling, because I don't want to be presumptuous, but if felt like the Holy Ghost was reminding me that we knew each other before, and they had finished their work, and now it was my turn.

It was a wonderful experience. It was a very direct answer to my prayer.

I bore that testimony today for our family night lesson, and shared the experience. I told the kids what it felt like and compared feeling the Holy Ghost to the feeling I get when I give Julianne a gift and I can tell she likes it. I told them that it doesn't matter what anybody says to me about Joseph Smith; I know what the Holy Ghost has said to me, and nobody can tell me it wasn't so.

Spontaneously, Sam and Joe got up and hugged Julianne and me (Annie was in a very grumpy mood). Joe asked if he could bare his testimony, and he did, and it was great. Sam did as well. It was clear that they were feeling the Spirit and it was moving them.

President Hodgman told me once that a very good indicator of Holy Ghost presence in a lesson is spontaneous testimony. I'll take this as a good sign for tonight's family night. Julianne made lemon bars, and Joe picked charades for the activity.